Here’s a little story about Jenny.  Jenny and her on again off again boyfriend were off again.  They had broken up – again – because he needed a little space.  And though she loved him, she was tired of the emotional merry-go-round they were on.  Before she’d be willing to get back together, she needed him to commit.

Brian on the other hand, her off and on boyfriend, was feeling smothered by the relationship.  He would be really serious when they first got together, only to back off and say they should see other people.  This had happened several times.  And though it was obvious he cared for Jenny, he was obviously not ready for the commitment Jenny wanted.

So, Jenny sat down and decided what she needed from Brian.  She came up with a two pronged strategy.  First of all, she said that they could get back together one more time, but if he called things off again, she would move on with her life.

But the second prong was just as important.  Jenny realized that part of the problem was hers.  She always pushed to intensify the relationship too soon, and Brian just wasn’t ready for that.   Though he would comply initially he would then ask for more space after a couple of weeks.

So, Jenny decided this time, Brian would set the pace for the relationship.  She wouldn’t pressure him to make commitments other than not seeing other women.  Other than that fundamental principle, he would control the pace of the relationship.

When Jenny presented this solution to her ex boyfriend, to get back together with the understanding that he would control the pace, Brian was quite receptive.  Like most men, Brian needed to be the pursuer.  When Jenny set the pace, she took away his ability to pursue her.  He found that he felt both emasculated and suffocated at the same time.

So, Jenny stopped calling him.  She let Brian call her.  She stopped suggesting date ideas and let him set things up.  Jenny found that at first they didn’t go out as often as she would have liked.  And, their dates were less “creative” than they would have been had she planned them.

But, she also found that the time they spent together was more meaningful than it had been in the past.  Brian no longer felt like he was a fish out of water when he was with her.  And, he no longer needed to take “breaks” from her.

Jenny first needed to decide what she wanted.  She knew she wanted Brian and she knew she wanted him full time.  But, she also needed to figure out what Brian wanted.  He wanted to have space and he also wanted to be in control of the relationship.  Despite being a modern woman, Jenny realized that this was important to Brian.

Suddenly, Brian was no longer an ex boyfriend.  To get back with your ex, figure out what you want and what he needs – then deliver.

]]> http://themagicofmakingup.realrange.com/boyfriend-wont-commit-heres-what-you-need-to-do/feed/ 0 http://themagicofmakingup.realrange.com/make-your-ex-love-you-again/ http://themagicofmakingup.realrange.com/make-your-ex-love-you-again/#comments Thu, 18 Jun 2009 17:04:02 +0000 BJ http://themagicofmakingup.realrange.com/?p=141

So, you still love your ex and you want your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back. But if you want to win your ex back, you should be dedicated and patient and you may just get your wish.

Your first step is to figure out what went wrong in the first place. Did you do something? Did they do something – what ended the relationship in the first place? You need to be able to address the problems in the relationship in order to win love back.

If you cannot rectify the issues that led to the breakup, then chances are you’re not going to be able get back together with your ex. This is not some quick fix, you’re going to have to deal with the original problem in order to move forward. You need to regain the trust of your ex.

But make sure you really want to get back together – not just trying to keep from being alone. Otherwise, this relationship is doomed to continue failing. If you owe an apology, then give it. Give the other person a reason to believe it won’t continue to happen over and over. Give them a reason to believe your relationship is not a Merry-Go-Round where you keep making the same mistakes continually.  Then give your ex some space.

Don’t think simply apologizing is going to convince your ex to try again. Your ex needs to determine what he or she wants from the relationship. If you don’t give him the time he needs to assess the relationship, things are not going to work out to your liking.

If you’re not sure what happened in the relationship – find out. Was your ex just bored with you? If your ex was bored, find a way to liven things up. It may take some serious time and effort, but the investment is well worthwhile when you consider the positive results that are possible in situations like these. Learning how to win love back is all about knowing what went wrong the first time around so that you can prevent it from happening again.

Did something go wrong between you and your boyfriend, causing one of you to split? If you were well on your way to creating a happy relationship and somehow managed to get off track, don’t worry! Its possible to change things.  Learn how you can, ‘get my ex boyfriend back’ with The Magic Of Making Up and the right steps and basic understanding of where to go from here.

There are four vital questions I’d ask myself if I, ‘Want my ex boyfriend back’:

- Is the reason that caused the initial breakup actually important enough to warrant the attention it is getting?  Is being right or winning the argument worth the price it has taken on my life?

- Does that reason matter to me now?  After the split does the issue seem as important as it did when things were going well?

- If I win the argument or issue, will anything change in my relationship or will I simply be the lonely winner?

- Was the issue even worth arguing about in the first place?

If you answer no to any of the aforementioned questions, then stop pressing the matter and let it slide. You learn in The Magic Of Making Up, many break ups can be prevented or quickly rekindled if a large argument is settled. Surprisingly enough, many breakup inducing argument are really completely unnecessary, and could be cast aside if only the parties involved could let the tension slide and move on.

Get The Magic Of Making Up, and learn how to get your ex back – and get started right away.

Both the guy and the girl T-Dub talked about were trying to jump into a premature reconciliation and had basically shot themselves in the foot in the process. You never want to seem too eager if you want to get your ex back. That’s one of the things the Magic of Making Up stresses. Anything you do that makes you look like you’re sitting at home by the phone is going to leave you sitting at home by the phone.

Learn how to get your ex back the right way – Click below before you waste another day. Get The Magic Of Making Up.

So, these are not only 5 tips to get back at your ex, they’re also excellent methods for getting your ex back as well. The Magic Of Making Up helps you see the difference.

1. Be tough. No one needs the needy, and this goes double when it comes to broken up relationships. You need to stop pleading, clinging or behaving desperate. Let your ex think that you have moved on just fine without them by actually moving on without them. Once that has happened, your ex will realize that they have not.
2. Only communicate when or if absolutely necessary. While cutting off communication may appear contrary to your stated goals when your primary focus is to reawaken old feelings, it is one of the most important steps if you want to get your ex back. Take a break, close off communication, and let him or her stew for a little while without any contact. This will allow your ex to clear his or her mind and realize how valuable your relationship was.
3. Be patient. Do not come on too strong, demanding that they move out, or pick their things up by a certain date; be flexible, be a listener and a sympathizer. Your ex will be surprised when they see this side of you, and it may inspire them to take a new look at you and the situation and build the lines of communication that were lacking when the breakup took place.
4. Get out! This is no time for you to sit at home alone. Call your friends and get out of the house. Develop a social network and enjoy your life. This doesn’t necessarily mean you need to date, or even pay attention to the opposite sex, but you do need to get out and enjoying yourself with friends. Not only will this be beneficial for you, but it will also serve to prove to your ex that they lost a winner.
5. Be yourself. There was a reason why you and your ex got together to begin with, so reconnect with the old you and let your ex remember why they fell in love with you in the first place.

Though these definitely are signs your ex may be interested in getting you back, if you really want to get back with your ex, you should not simply jump into things. The best way to handle things is to step back and get away from the situation a bit, which is probably what your ex will respond to best anyway. If you charge forward full force, then you may find your ex pushing you back again. In fact, if you get indications that he or she wants you back, then chances are, you have already backed off and that led to the renewed interest in the first place.

In The Magic Of Making Up, you’ll often find when you break up, you miss one another, or long to get back together. This is especially true following a relationship of a year or more. You’re probably going to miss each other no matter what caused the breakup. You share a lot of memories after this length of time. But there will be other emotions that come into play including regrets. If you are wondering “does my ex want to get back with me,” chances are they’re thinking the same thing for the same reasons.

Unfortunately, sometimes that’s all it is. They and you simply miss each other and out of habit they reach out to you, without actually intending to get together again. So, unless your ex genuinely seems interested in spending time together, you may just be a convenient way for them to keep from being lonely. Or worst yet, they may see this as away to get revenge for some perceived wrong. This is why it is important not to jump the gun, and why you should focus on reading the situation before you act on it.

If you’re wondering “does my ex want to get back with me?”, but are not sure how to read the situation or how best to react, playing hard to get (in moderation) is your best choice at this point. It will prevent you from getting hurt if your ex is not really serious about getting back with you and will encourage them to move forward if they are serious.

It can seem hard to keep up a cheerful attitude throughout your day following a breakup, but it is believed by relationship experts believe that an optimistic and confident attitude can go a long way. Here are some of the ways that a confident attitude can answer the question “how can I get my ex back?”

Keep your confidence – If you are asking “how can I get my ex back?”, then you should remain confident. Rather than going around feeling gloomy, try to find ways that you can keep yourself occupied and happy. Keep the depression out of your demeanor. Allow your ex boyfriend or girlfriend to know that you are strong and that you are more than capable of handling such an emotional situation, and also that you are capable of surviving on your own as well.

Remain socially active – If getting your ex back is your primary focus, surround yourself with well wishers, positive attitudes and good friends. Show your ex that people appreciate you, and that they love having you around. As more people begin to feel good about your presence in their lives, your ex will begin to see you in a completely new light. He or she will realize that yes, you are a good person that they simply cannot afford to let go of. This is one of the best ways to let your ex notice you in a new light.

Maintain a good appearance – Another solution to “How can I get my ex back?” is not to let your appearance reflect your situation. You need to pay attention to every detail of your looks, including your clothes, your make up, your hair, your stride, your shoes and even your voice. It can be hard to act happy or to take care of yourself following a bad breakup, but this is one of the best ways that you can let your ex know that you are doing just fine, and do not need to beg for his or her sympathy. You are going to get back together like adults who are mature and responsible if you are going to get back together at all.