Boyfriend Won’t Commit? Here’s What You Need To Do
Posted By BJ
Date: July 9th, 2009

- Image by Cayusa via Flickr
Here’s a little story about Jenny. Jenny and her on again off again boyfriend were off again. They had broken up – again – because he needed a little space. And though she loved him, she was tired of the emotional merry-go-round they were on. Before she’d be willing to get back together, she needed him to commit.
Brian on the other hand, her off and on boyfriend, was feeling smothered by the relationship. He would be really serious when they first got together, only to back off and say they should see other people. This had happened several times. And though it was obvious he cared for Jenny, he was obviously not ready for the commitment Jenny wanted.
So, Jenny sat down and decided what she needed from Brian. She came up with a two pronged strategy. First of all, she said that they could get back together one more time, but if he called things off again, she would move on with her life.
But the second prong was just as important. Jenny realized that part of the problem was hers. She always pushed to intensify the relationship too soon, and Brian just wasn’t ready for that. Though he would comply initially he would then ask for more space after a couple of weeks.
So, Jenny decided this time, Brian would set the pace for the relationship. She wouldn’t pressure him to make commitments other than not seeing other women. Other than that fundamental principle, he would control the pace of the relationship.
When Jenny presented this solution to her ex boyfriend, to get back together with the understanding that he would control the pace, Brian was quite receptive. Like most men, Brian needed to be the pursuer. When Jenny set the pace, she took away his ability to pursue her. He found that he felt both emasculated and suffocated at the same time.
So, Jenny stopped calling him. She let Brian call her. She stopped suggesting date ideas and let him set things up. Jenny found that at first they didn’t go out as often as she would have liked. And, their dates were less “creative” than they would have been had she planned them.
But, she also found that the time they spent together was more meaningful than it had been in the past. Brian no longer felt like he was a fish out of water when he was with her. And, he no longer needed to take “breaks” from her.
Jenny first needed to decide what she wanted. She knew she wanted Brian and she knew she wanted him full time. But, she also needed to figure out what Brian wanted. He wanted to have space and he also wanted to be in control of the relationship. Despite being a modern woman, Jenny realized that this was important to Brian.
Suddenly, Brian was no longer an ex boyfriend. To get back with your ex, figure out what you want and what he needs – then deliver.



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Although a breakup with a boyfriend or with a girlfriend can be really depressing, it does not need to mean that the relationship is over. Even if the breakup should suddenly leave you feeling confusion and loneliness, you may still feel really eager to heal the wounds and jump right back in to that relationship with your ex. If you are asking yourself “How can I get my ex back?”, then there are some things you need to know. If you learn how to react following a break up, and you become aware of how not to strain the relationship even further, then getting ex back will be easier than ever.![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=235efbd3-afb9-409e-91f9-cf2b3ced23d0)